Title quote helpfully provided by Delightful Boyfriend, who has as much right to comment on my fashion choices as anyone who clothes himself ENTIRELY IN ROLLERDERBY MERCHANDISE and the same pair of jeans he has worn since we started dating twelve years ago…
The item to which he was so politely referring was a recent addition to my wardrobe, as I power through a slew of projects I started an embarrassingly long time ago, abandoned due to the constraints of time and the demeaning fact that winter turns me into a slug. One of the side effects of having waited so long to finish some of these projects is that I am now a completely different shape and have to re-work everything, but using slightly less fabric.
I started on the idea a long time ago, trying to find a use for a very fetching top I’d picked up at a clothes swap, which was no longer equal to the task of restraining rolls of Me. Inspired by some sort of confluence of post-apocalyptic Rob Liefeld Pouch Hell and the kind of psy-trance gubbins favoured by Psylo, I started off trying to make a wrist wallet job, got as far as sewing together a lined pocket with a helpful zip in it, got very into pinning fabric to make the damn thing conform to the curves of my then rather chubby arms, and promptly forgot all about it.
But now I have beige grommet tape. And I have string! And a small amount of patience! And the knowledge that having something that laces up isn’t actually much more of a nuisance than something that zips up, as was the original intention.
As you can see, it’s not a strife to lace it and the pinned-under folds I had before have just been sewn in as thicker lining.
The pocket holds quite a lot. I could easily fit my phone, travelcard, cash, debit card, etc – the essentials – in here. Also it can contain that most necessary of necessities – upwards of 200g of holographic glitter dust. For, you know. Emergencies. Gay emergencies.
The only downside is that I have to get someone else to tie off the ends when I’m done lacing it up due to my inability to bend my arms into actual pretzels. But it is a fabulously useful bit of kit and allows me to leave the house ready to face whatever glitterless days lie ahead (or indeed to carry around money and transport-enablers and a phone while wearing, for example, Very Small Hotpants).